Chaper 1 The Contrast

      As I remember it was a cool Sunday autumn's eve. I recall being maybe six years old.  As I sat in the car I remember  the intense silence as my father stepped out of the vehicle at gunpoint. We were on the South Capital bridge.  The men who had him apprehended I knew, Larry and Floyd.  It was Larry who grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him from the passenger seat.  It was Floyd who was poiting his gun at pops, Larry was the one holding him shoving him ahead.  I sat watching helpless with an indescribable feeling. I was fearful of my father's outcome.  I had seen movies with scenarios like this.  In the passenger seat sat my father’s girlfriend Carmen.   She was Larry’s cousin . She had been the one who introduced them. She stared ahead out at the windshield emotionless as I could see. My eyes focused on the back of her seat so hard I felt I was becoming a part of it.  Thoughts of hearing the shot that would kill my father tearing at my imagination. I pondered my fate as well, and I asked”you think the gon kill me?  She paused and I knew what it meant. She answered “I don’t know baby.”  Her tone was saddened .  Unlike her Carmen had an energy that was a perfect match to my fathers strong and bright.  It seemed to be the longest moment I had experienced at this point.  I drifted back and forth out of reality. Accepting the worst possible outcome. I wanted to cry but I was to far removed from myself.  I knew once I heard the pop of  Floyd’s pistol it would be my turn. I thought of my mother how we should find out.  I built the courage to turn around and look out of the back window.  There sat my father at the bridges edge. Just a push away.  Wrist and ankles tied. I could not watch. I could hear the the waters of Anacostias river crashing.  I thought to myself they called my father Catman and cats don’t like water. 

What happened that my father’s new friends wanted him dead this way?  My father’s friends had warned him about hanging out with “them southeast niggas”.  They were right.  Suddenly I could see a car approaching from the other side of the bridge.  It slowed just before us.  Out hopped Tim, Carmen’s  brother.  He quickly approached our car . My heart raced.  Was he coming to kill me?!  

    I felt anxiety it was hard for me to catch my breath.  This was a fear no child my age encounter I needed my father.  He however had his own circumstances.   I swallowed hard and watched as Tim came closer I saw his arm reaching for my door .  I tucked my head and sobbed this was it!  I covered my face and bit on my bottom lip!  In reality Tim walked out pass the car to Larry and Floyd.  I exhaled feeling exhausted.  

   I heard loud voices.  I was convinced this would be the moment I would hear the pop of Floyd’s gun.  The talk got louder I then heard my father’s voice.  I told you mothafuckas!!

     The talk softened I grew anxious.  What was going on? Did they push my father into the water!?  I again saw me meeting the same fate.  Where was the police?  Why hadn’t they pulled up and saved me like in the movies? I lifted my head and accepted I was to die.  I saw my mother. I thought of school my friends.  Things that were important to me all flashed like a movie trailer. I brought the ticket-in my seat I sat awaiting the movies start.  I would face death a few times in my life but this was the first.  This is the one that trained me, We had been acquainted.   

I heard Tim’s footsteps grow closer… and closer… I could hear him grab for my car doors handle pull it .  I heard the click of the lock and saw him snatch it open.  I felt every nerve in my body jump as my body’s reflexes tightened….I gasped he reached for me and in reality Tim had opened Carmen’s door telling her to come here.  They walked to the bridges edge I saw my father standing behind the rails this time closer to safety.  They were untying him.  I felt a tearful joy upon me, maybe we’d make it home to my mother after-all. I would sure be glad to see her and be able to wake up and go to school and see my friends after this.  I learned this night to appreciate those I cared for.  I felt a love I’d revisit and never forget this now early Monday morning.  My father rode in Tim’s car back to Larry’s house.  

Pops hopped out of Tim’s car stood straight and wiped himself off with apparent attitude. I was proud they hadn’t broken him I thought.  He looked at me it was the first eye contact we had since this abduction.  It was quick it seemed he was checking to see if was shaken.  I was a bit however I played it off as if I was cool.  I just stared ahead in my backseat hoping to be reunited with him sooner than later.  

         Carmen returned to the car she seemed more herself.  Her smile had reappeared.  Her touchy feely ways of expression comforted me.  I thought of my mother again.  She turned on the cars radio.  McFadden and Whitehead’s aint no stopping us now was playing .  The lyrics we been held back and held down before.  I know we refuse to be held down anymore well”  I had agreed with this song.  I longed for the minute he walked out of the house and we would venture home.  I must’ve fallen asleep I had awakened in my bed.  It had taken a few minutes to register I was in my room still dressed in the prior evening’s clothing.  I couldn’t tell the time.  I just knew to get up and get ready for school. 

   My mother was doing her hair. She had taken her rollers out and was combing her fluffy permed hair.  I watched quietly for a second and hit the kitchen. I scouted the fridge for something to eat. Bologna, cheese, eggs, , liver. peanut butter and jelly were my options I chose peanut butter and jelly. I grabbed the ingredients to my sandwich as my mom’s living room radio played Randy Crawford’s “street life.”

         I spread the toppings of my choke sandwich as we called it as I boogied to the groove. I had recently been allowed to walk alone to school as my mom had left before me. “Lock the door” she yelled on her way out.  The radio played on as I jammed.  I wish I could stay home and dance to the music.  I missed my friends differently than usual after our weekends separation.  My  Sunday nights experience had me sentimental.  I wanted to see my schoolmates smiles and get on my teachers nerves.  

     I had walked down the hill to my school Meyer Elementary.  I usually entered though the cafeteria.  It smelled of spoiled milk and breath as usual ewww!

   I got to my class and sat my book bag on the floor as I unloaded my books I remembered… damn!!! I ain’t get to do my homework!!!  Ms Braddock was my home room teacher.  There were a few of my classmates were very memorable. Billy Huck,  Angeline, Mya,  and the rest of the guys and gals.  Billy was taller than the rest and looked older than us was outspoken and from Garfield Terrace.  Angeline was of a West Indian descent.  Mya was tough and athletic but defined sister like quality. .  They kept me anxious for school that year. This particular year actually for me was not much to talk about besides my classmates.  

I remember I was becoming more conscious of my appearance and style.  Moms was coming home with Woolworth’s  finest 𝙜𝙚𝙖r.  She was dressing me like Michael Evans.  I had to get her hip and quick!  The neighborhood kids were wearing Nike, Adidas, Puma Lee jeans, and shit. I was still wearing Osh Kosh and Pierre Bonne.  Dressed like this I had to learn to snap and jone.  I was ready at all times with a mouth full of shit to talk.  

         I would usually walk down Euclid street hill to school.  Living just a block away from my school made it  easy to be late without my mother there to discipline me.  I would wait until 8:50 to leave.  I would dress myself while playing my favorite albums on the record player.  I would sing and dance while picking and patting my hair to perfection in our hallway mirror until I convinced myself that I looked like a light skinned version of Michael Jackson.  I would grab my keys grab my back pack and do a spin before I left out. Locking my apartment door I would look myself up and down for my approval.  As I exited my building onto 13th street there were few kids on their walk I never realized it was because I was so late.  No children in my building went to my school so I walked alone.  I would think about my favorite songs as they played in my head. Nodding to my imaginary music as I made that first right onto Euclid from 13th street walking downhill.  The school was only 2 blocks away. This one particular day I must’ve eaten something that didn’t agree with my stomach.  As I sat in my classroom I felt the rumbling it was was loud a few of my classmates heard it. They laughed and pointed whispering in each others ear.  Fuck em!  I was was too worried about whether or not I would make it to our daily bathroom walk.  I knew I would be taking a dump in the laboratory this day it would be my first time doing the number two at school.  I could not concentrate on shit the teacher was saying it was like the mumbling from a Charlie Brown cartoon . My leg was shaking all I could think of was me shitting on myself!  Please bitch shut up talking and take us to the fucking bathroom! I thought, Fuck! 10:30 was laboratory break. It was 10:27 and I was already standing. I was clenching my but tight as I could my eyes closed tight squinching  10:28….I was counting down.  Oh shit I think I felt a drip! I wiggled my way to 10:29 counting the seconds the teacher began to call the class to a line up.  We were supposed to be according to height fuck that!  My classmates gon have to fall in line around me! Yall hurry up ! I shouted. I counted 43 steps to the bathroom. Once we got there I ran to the stall . Popped it open slammed my pant to my feet and sat. Splat!! Splat! Sploosh! Plop! Wamp! My classmates yelled ewwww! You shitting!  I was too much in my zone to give a shit(no pun intended) fuck yall!! I yelled back sitting pigeon toed. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I wiped and walked out ready. I washed my hands as they stared and laughed.  You stink they yelled.  Who cares I was feeling a few pounds lighter and much better about the day. 

For the rest of the morning up until lunch  I grew anxious about the playground ridicules.  I had to be ready. Inevitably 12:00 hit,  I tucked my books into my desk fixed my clothes. I was too scared to eat so I skipped lunch and headed for the playground.  

   It was a typical recess crowded playground the school had two playgrounds one was the primary grades and one for the intermediates. The intermediate playground was for kids my age.  The primary was for the smaller kids.  I had exited through the backdoor onto the primary playground and walked to my playground.  There was a kickball game going on.  I looked to see if there was an igloo match. The Igloo match was a wrestling match under a heavily padded igloo monkey bar construct. These matches were for guys who would fight to go with the girls they wanted or had to fight to keep the girl they had. There was no match this day.  It was a cloudy boring day.  That would change once my classmates and the others who actually ate lunch poured onto the playground.  I had just remembered as I saw my classmates “I shitted!! I heard the laughs as a few guys approached. Just then The side door burst and out rushed a crowd of kids including Gregory Haynes and his girlfriend Scarlet he was talking shit and flexing. They approached the igloo.  Everyone gathered as his opponent approached Haji they were both cool with me. Scarlett’s was deemed the prettiest girl in school at this time. Slim with thick long black Indian like  hair and always cutely dressed, accompanied by her little crew of cuties.  The two guy’s entered the ring flexing what muscle they imagined they had.  Everyone ran up to watch.  She and her crew lined around the back of the igloo cheering for Gregory. In my mind I could the song stomp by The Brothers Johnson. I would nod to my imaginary music.  As the playground gathered I heard Steven one of my classmates yell,  “Aye yall …Los shitted today! As he laughed. It seemed as if the world stopped and started to move in slow motion. As he pointed and chuckled I looked around to see who was paying attention. Everyone was …Shit!  I thought quick as they all focused on me .  It hit me ! I pulled the strength to deliver a believable chuckle…And yelled back …Yeah yall ..niggas was looking at my dick while I was shittin too! …The outburst of laughter was quite satisfying to me as I laughed with everyone. This moment had taken away from the match as Gregory and Haji fought for their interest.  By the time we had all focused our attention back on the match Gregory had Haji pinned to the padding.  Yeah!! Gregory shouted. Throwing his fist up! He exited the igloo wrapping one arm around Scarlet puting on his sweater. I thought how stupid these niggas looked fighting over her . It could never be me I knew this young. What’s mine is mine. All in all I was just happy to be around everybody after the prior weekend’s experience.  There was a contrast developing in my outlook and mindset.  

              I felt the suns hand rub across my face.  I awakened to tye soon nd of early morning 13th street traffic.  From 16th street till Georgia Ave. every block going across as heavy traffic.  I was one block over on 13th ftom Cardoza High.  Which sat adjacent to the infamous Clifton Terrace(CTU) Majority of the Clifton kids went to my elementary.  The crews were already forming somewhat.  You were known by your name first then your neighborhood.. Your were ironically called out by your block or section of you area was first then your name. This is when crews talk amongst each other. In surface behaviorally we knew who as from where so as civil kids we greeted and departed callng each other by government names. Laat name gang was a thing. Some families were so deep that they outnumbered neighborhoods. For example every hood had a Johnson family,  or Jacksons or Wiiams famoly.  Niggas used to see it like these families was  all the same family.  We was stupid as shit!  HaHa!

there was this family of girls ftom Clifton Terrace  The Garrets it was like four or more of them. There was a sister who was my age. Her name was Max she was short cute and slways had her fist bawled up.  Thick jet black hair gill of dynamite yessah! I liked it!!  This is aound the time Im hanging Out with pops on Chapin St. His block.  Alotta of dice rolling shit talking, Wine sipping snd jay hittin with neighborly chicks.  Always under the trees clouding up and cussing loud.. It woud get dark all we had was the light post and the yellow of the cities glare .  I would sit with my father and his buddies Until I was one of them.  I eould often find my self searching for my schoolmates.  I would see kids out but scattered .  They used to pop out peeping shit.  Now you see them now you dont type shit! Children of the corn ass  Spooky kids! For real! Ha!

  . . Sometimes when I was running field dog free ... Id see Max only a hi and a hug. This was our exchange.  She looked as if she understood and appreciated we had the same tastes of freedom.  We would be moving in opposite directions but would catch each other looking back. Asking who is we!? 

    What I remember most about this day is it was fucking nice outside. Dressed in moms finsest a Black windbreaker, a tank shirt , blue jeans snd a pair of black ("Butthead" ) Nikes. (Anynody laughing while yall reading this I dont fuck witchal) 😂😂   

I felt pretty hood sbout my gear this day.  Shit wss looking neat.  This was put a cuff on your jeans was the uptown way demonstrating.    Ww hit the top of the block coming from 14th. Prior eras we would cutting across the alley that connects Belmont to Chapin at the bottom. This was when i was living in 1430 Belmont . I was at this point living in 2535 on 13th.  I could feel the suns rayes melt away what was left of winter in me. The dirt hardened as it dried under this days early sun .  The beams reflected in the form of invisible waves bouncing off of what it landed on. Raw energy and i saw it.  I had moved across the street from where my father and his friends would hang out.  Outside of the buildings in front. I thought nice day I'd be sure to see a kid or two.  I believe it was a Sunday  It was quiet i had a bag of vanilla wafers rolled upin my pocket from me recently wwaring the jeans.  I stood gazing at the streets tar waved at me. I unrolled my bag of cookies  As i grabbed my first cookie I heard YOU!!!  YOU!!! . again  I snapped  out of my zone . I focused in on where the voice was coming from.. They were coming from the 15th street top..  It must've been maybe 7 of them.  Youngins my age. They all seemed to carry either ther bricks or sticks.  They appoached quckly but quietly and stood before me.. There was a little dude at the arrows head formation they formed.  He spoke Who is you?! Lil Rick I answered . Who!! He yelled . My daddy across the street with them ... Them his folks.  BigRick and all them.  He looked across the street he must've recognized my father and his friends they had been out here a long time.  We locked eyes and he stated "I'll be back"  he spun as he signaled his buddies to (dip).  I watched them  leave a few of them looked back.  All this time I had been looking for kids my age.  I would almost chase them to the car..  Is you coming out!? I would ask them all. They would point to their parents.  Can they come out!?  I asked every time anxiously .  The parents would never answer me.  I would Be forced to wander alone. I had grown bored. It was unlikely I would avoid this confrontation with this crew. my father never left until around 1am I remembered by my wristwatch's Time frequently as we left.  Everything was closed when we left.  The streets were dark it was the flickering of lighters that let me kmow where people stood or i could swear the streets were empty

            As we walked home my father and I would joke and  curse up a storm.  Up 14th street to Euclid street make that right and hit thirteenth with a left. Just a few houses from the corner was my building 2535.  We would be best as we entered they bright lobby light we such a contrast from the dim late night streets. It would waken us. We had a four flight stair climb.  As we reached the top of the stairs the jokes would stop and we resorted to our best Disney movie behavior as we could.  My mother had no clue as to the mischief most of our days consisted of.  Whew! My father would belt out as we reached our door before knocking ( she took his keys so she would know what she me we got home)

The door would yank open as my mother would sternly greet us.  Not a word she would return to sleep. This evening I hit the shower for school in the morning. My father chilled in my room for a second. Probably to avoid my mother and her attitude.  I undressed and flung my drawers they landed on the T.V.  I showered in the dark as my mother would complain about the electric bill.  When I returned to my room my father was laying in the bed looking “blown” . I noticed the T.V. Was blank with a black screen. Why you turn the T.V. Off? I asked .  My father shook his head and said your funky ass drawers broke the damn T.V. !  Confused and embarrassed I approached the television and looked at it for a second. I had a guess what was wrong. I went to the back of the television and adjusted two knobs one to bring the hopefully picture back it did! I turned the other knob to adjust the sound … it worked! Chump I mumbled . I looked at my father and he laughed got up and went to his room. I layed down with thoughts on my new day approaching. 

 When morning came my father was gone. My mother was getting ready for work it was maybe a little after 7am as usual. She would give her run down on what I could eat ig I got hungry after school as usual . Captain Crunch was my favorite cereal so that would be breakfast.  I picked out my clothes and turned on cartoons Woody Woodpecker was on.  I ate my cereal and was late as usual trying to see how the episode ended. Just as I was about to leave one of my favorite shows would come on..it was called WOW. Damn it! I always thought why the fuck would they still show so many kids shows after 9am when we posed to be in school! It was 9am and I had to catch a few minutes, dhit school was only two blocks away I’m watching 10 minutes of my dhit Fuckit em I thought.  It was tough leaving out on my show but I gotta do what I gotta do. Let me go head to school and see what these niggas doing today.  The halls were empty of kids everybody was in class this was a regular thing for me, a shame huh? I know. 

I was usually bored in class so my attention spand was not long I would end up usually clowning around. .Today was going averagely well.  The twelve noon lunchtime bell sounded and everyone anxiously shoved their books into their desks.  Today I left our home room contemplating if I was gonna skip eating to have more time for the playground as I would sometimes. I ended up running into one of my neighborhood friends Timmy. 

Timmy was a little bit I guess you would say “slow”. He would usually be the only kid I would see on my late walks  to school in the mornings.  He would be walking alone as well. His mom was the only parent in the household. She was a lot older than everyone else’s mom. She looked about the age of most kids my ages grandma.  She was sweet soft spoken and brown skin.  She treated him almost infant like which is how I drew my conclusion he might have been “slow”.  Timmy had a stare when he talked to you only he wouldn’t be staring at you he’d be staring into the sky as if he was thinking. I can’t recall a time he had ever made eye contact with anyone he conversed with.  This day I grabbed him up because most other kids wouldn’t play either him.       I was trying to get him accepted. When he was with me kids would tolerate his awkwardness.  I had been hard at work with making Timmy cool. This day he fucked it all up. I  went to the big sliding board to find my friends John and Kevin to see if we had any money to be made charging kids to slide. It was slow.  I decided to walk the ground looking for some to get into when Timmy started to complain about his stomach hurting.  I ignored it and thought nothing of it. It was a mediocre recess so far.  Timmy continued to complain about his stomach. I told him go inside and use the laboratory.  At this point he walked to the big doors where there would usually be a teacher or staff member attending. There was no one there. He knocked for a minute no one opened. He turned around I saw in his face he was “blown”. As we walked he seemed to set his eyes on our classes playground door. He walked over to the door . He knocked on the door no one opened.  He would knock and knock for a few minutes more.    

After no one opened Timmy turned around facing the playground and slowly pulled his pants down and squatted.  The entire playground seemed to catch on simultaneously in slow motion. I tapped him Timmy quit everybody looking man! He was staring down not the sky as if no one else was there. Timmy! I kept tapping.  By this time we were surrounded by the whole playground door.  He dropped his load comfortably as if he was in his home in the bathroom. I felt embarrassed for him because the nigga had no shame. After He finished his dump I thought: man… if this nigga pull his pants up and dont wipe his ass… 

Timmy looked around and laid his eyes on some newspaper on the ground. I thought to myself on one hand aye nah! That dirty ass paper but on the other hand I thought then again I was gonna stop fucking with him if he didn’t wipe his nasty ass. He waddled over to the papers grabbed the papers and slowly wiped his ass.  To me I wasn’t tripping off him shitting on the playground in front of everybody.  I thought Shid everybody knows he’s cool with me and I was with him so I was was going to get clout . 😂  

Fucked up thing was as soon as he finished our classroom door burst open and our teacher stepped out. Timothy!! she yelled what the hell are you doing .  She grabbed his arm and snatched him inside. All eyes wee on me.  I threw my hands in the air with a shrug aa if to say hey what can I say yall. Then the questions came who was he ? Why he do that?  I tried my best to convince my schoolmates he didn’t have a choice and shove the blame on there not being a staff member to let him in any of the doors. Then the teachers called me in to account for the story. I stuck to my guns and took up for Timmy.  He wasn’t suspended and everyone knew Timmy now but nobody stood next to him again, I jive shied away as well.   

That day I came home my uncle Todd was there. Uncle Todd was there this was my mother’s brother. Todd was super cool to me . He was like my second father I looked up to him as well. Todd had come back from New Jersey. I had asked him to bring me a pair of top ten Adidas’s they were a popular shoe at that time. When I came through the door he yelled what’s up boy! I got ya shits!  I couldn’t believe he had actually remembered. I was excited I ran to the living room to see if he was talking about what I hoped he was.  I ran into the room eyes wide open. He handed me a box. Something seemed off it didn’t have the logo everybody else’s had. My heart was beating fast. I opened it anxiously. I peeled the shoes from the tissue papers I pulled the shoes out. It was them!!!! I jumped around did my Jackson 5 dance and hugged him. I ran to my room to put them on. I slid on the first shoe they felt good. I slid the second shoe on and went to the living room mirror. I was looking good I couldn’t wait for school in the morning. That night I slept well anxious about my next day.  

Morning came and I was up as soon as soon as the sun  touched my face. I stretched sat on the side of my bed. My mother tan the drill before she left. She left out the door yelling dont loose your keys as usual.  I got dressed I picked my hair for 10-15 minutes that day. Patted my hair to perfection. I put my shoes on and all I could think of was all the chicks was going to be on me!  No WOW show today Shid I was going to be on time today. I walked to school like regular kids. I wanted everybody to see me. Man those shoes felt so cool high topped and comfortable as hell everybody aint got THESE motherfuckers here! I thought…boy I as I right.  I couldn’t wait for recess. Just before recess we had a library class about card catalog it was interesting.  It was my next coolest class besides gym and art. The bell sounded and we were off to lunch. I hit the playground running literally!

I was on the big playground the little playground back and forth.  I decided to shoot some ball with the hoopers this day. As I was hooping I remember someone saying ohhh! He got em! As they pointed to my feet. Everybody looked and then it happened someone said let me see. I lifted my pant leg of to show my shit off. Whoever said it yelled they got four stripes!! Huh? I said so! He said Adidas only hit three stripes man! I counted my stripes hoping he would as wrong… damn he was right. Everybody burst into laughter. Pointing with their hand over their mouth. hadn’t actually seen a pair of Adidas before… I didn’t know.  I was embarrassed but alot of the kids at school hadn’t seen a pair of Adidas’s like me so I thought Fuckit I’m gon wear these motherfukers anyway. I got the guck away from the hoopers and went all the way to the other side of the playground to get the fuck away from them. Fuck them niggas theyn got no top tens either. I kept a low profile the rest of that day. I wasn’t trying to bring no more attention to my extra stripe. 😂 

                                   Chapter two

  A couple weeks had gone pass and my father had not been home. This wasn’t unusual it was a Saturday and no school. I decided to get up early and watch Saturday cartoons. I grabbed my notebook to watch my favorite shows on Channel 7.  I would bring my pad and pencil because I would try to draw my favorite characters while I watched.  My mother would wake up late on Saturdays go straight to the kitchen make her coffees and get on the phone with her girlfriends. So I had the TV to myself.  I would leave the living room window open so I could hear once kids started to come outside.  Sometimes I would just come out alone and play alone so that if any other kids would look out of the window they’d see me and  one on out. I would practice my gate hoping and bush jumping or bring my Tonkas  out. 

On this Saturday it was approaching 3pm that was when the cartoons would go off sir and sometimes a Karate movie might come on or maybe a Western.  I was eating a bowl of Captain Crunch.  I eventually heard kids outside so I grabbed my keys snapped them to my belt loop and hit the door. 

I was greeted first by my friend Devon. He was a little younger and would visit on weekends with his grandfather.  Devon was bad as hell but that was my little nigga. Devon wasn’t a trouble maker really he just had an attitude all the time and cursed like an adult at six years old. My father would allow me to curse and express myself freely so I got a kick out of this little guy who could match my dirty mouth.  Devon and I would jump out Tonja trucks off the stairs of the buildings front play tag stick fight and Karate fight until the other kids came out.  A few of the buildings girls would come outside and play double Dutch jump rope, cheer and play in each others hair. I had a building girlfriend her name was Kima. She was a mean little chick. She too could curse up a storm and was super sassy at 8 years old. She was never that way with me.  We would all hang out on the building porch till it got dark.  Once the sun would start to fall the fireflies would start to come out. We would catch them and scrape the part that lit up off of them(killing them of courses) and place the lighting parts on our favorite girls ears for earrings. This day I had given Nikki a pair and gotten my first kiss. Devon teased and sang ohhh baby baby! We laughed and continued running up and down our block that day until my mother would hang her head out of the window. 

Monday would come quicker than I wanted.  Bae! I heard my mother calling.  Waking me up from a dream where my Adidas actually had 3 stripes and life was better. Shit! Man I fucking hate Mondays.  I know.. I know!  I would answer sounding awake and alert so she would leave me alone and lay back down until she would come to my rooms doorway talking shit cussing.  I didn’t care long as I got my little extra 10-15 minutes of closed eyes.  She would come back to the doorway bringing it and I would growl alright!  This particular week the first Superman movie came out and a lot of kids had been to see it and the word on the street was they were buying a giant comic book as souvenirs.  By the time I got yo school I was hearing one of my school friends had went and brought his book to school. Class was usual aside from us signing up for the spelling bee nothing particularly unusual. We had been lining up for a bathroom walk class by class when I bumped into a kid I had been seeing around. For some reading I always spoke my own language me and the kid locked eyes and I yelled going! He replied Going Going! 

Oh shit! He speaks my shit! I thought. This would be ongoing after this point no punchline. Every time we saw each other we would yell out Going Going and laugh. Recess came and we hit the cafeteria we had burgers and carrots for lunch. The burgers were nasty they tasted of heavy onions and were thin. The only lunch we would look forward to was pizza and tater tarts. The cafeteria would smell of spoiled milk and dirty mop water. If you didn’t want what was for lunch you could opt out with a “choke sandwich “. I tried to eat the burger but nah. I went back to the counter for a sandwich and hit the playground.  I had been hanging on the sliding board with John and Kevin collecting a couple quarters for my after school store run.  Leaning over the rail I looked busy on the ground so I slid down . I step off the board and walked to the igloo watching my little buddies playing dodgeball in the field when we locked eyes. It was Max, she was locked in on me. She began walking my way her friends stayed behind as she approached.  I kept my cool not knowing what this was about Max tan with a more advanced bunch and they could be trouble. She got close standing now in front of me. What’s your name she asked Carlos I said. That’s cute she said I smiled. You hit a girl friend? Yes I said…who she asked either a sassy aggressive tone. Her name Kima I replied. She must not go here cause I don’t know her she said. She dont I said. I don’t care anyway she responded. You bout to be my boyfriend she said. I can’t I got a girl I said. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me close kinda jacking me up. You know my cousin Rocky? Nah I said, he bad … he beat up two boys at one time last week on Clifton. Clifton? Shit Clifton Terrace was where she was referring to. It as the most notorious block in the hood st the time besides Garfield Terrace.  Rocky how he get a name like that at our age? Shit matter fact I didn’t want to know. Yeah and imma get him to fight you if you don’t death yeah.  I mean I liked this little chick anyway but damn she extorting me to be her guy though.  I never said yes , she told me to meet her at 3pm yo walk her home. I could see her friends in the background watching, they were deep like 10 of them. The Clifton kids. I said alright to meeting her.  I was actually happy that she chose me but how do I tell Kima with her mean ass.. it was either Kima or whoever the fuck Rocky was.  I began to ask my friends if they heard of Rocky and most of them heard of him. They said he went to our school but never attended. He’s enrolled but dont go to school at 7 ? What the fuck!? Everyone said he had a bad ass little crew and they was terrorizing shit fucking shit up all around the neighborhood. Great just fucking great I’m marrying into the fucking Mob. 

3pm came I was a bit nervous I was in the grass with my friends with our friend who had seen the Superman movie and brought the book to school. The book was amazing! How I wished I could have one.  Max popped out the gate with her fiends at about 3:20 on the Garfield Terrace side the school had a few exits but the Clifton kids would usually use this entrance and exit. I walked up and she locked arms with me as we walked uphill I would usually take the Euclid hill because of my buildings location being close to that hill. She was actually cool and so were her friends. I fit in. 

I would began hanging out on Clifton with her and her friends. I was familiar with Clifton because my father would frequent there it was the next block over from his block Chapin st. There was a puerto Ricsn mother there that used to watch me when I was a little younger for a few years. She was like an aunt her daughter and son were like cousins. Her children were well known .Rita and her brother I forget his name. Some of my classmates lived there like Jolly and Hershey. I saw the little dude and his crew from Chapin street that tan down on me with the bricks and sticks. They must not have noticed it was me. We had no run in. I would walk Max to her building and watch her go in before going home. 

It was Sunday Morning and I awoke to a fire alarm ringing loud . I could hear people in the building and the sound of commotion. My mother rushed me up. Half sleep I followed her outside. Everyone was gathered on the front porch. I could hear the talking there was a bad feeling in the tone of their whispers. My mother also seemed very bothered . Mah? I asked what’s wrong our houses gon burn down? No Bae… Kima was in the fire Bae she died.  My heart dropped…huh? My Kima I asked my voice to as cracking.  I felt the emotions slap me hard. I couldn’t gather it. Thought memories flashed do quick and vivid. Why Kima? She was too young. Why!!

It hurt a hurt I felt I was too young to feel this type of pain. It was unfair.  I felt I was going to pass out. It felt heavy just standing there. I didn’t know kids could die. This wouldn’t be the last time I felt this way. It was the beginning of what hood would make me.

I would hold on to what happened to Kima for a good while. It out a darkness on this so called wonderful life.